First Part of the Story

2005-11-09T12:50:00.000-08:00

I had started to write this a long time ago when i first met Cor. What a life changer that was for not just me but our entire family! Here is the first installment of what I hope will be along and happily ever after story.

Chapter 1

Finding Out!!

It is hard to say where this story really begins. It certainly won’t have an ending as this tale continues to weave it’s lovely cloth in my life. I suppose the best place to start is at the beginning. When I was a 16 year old teenage female, I thought I had fallen in love. He had the most incredible blue eyes I had ever seen in my life and this hair that was a colour that not even L’Oreal could create. He was a rebel and that was perfect for me. I was a good student from a good family in a good neighbourhood and I loved to do things that pissed my parents off. Hanging around with this fellow was perfect. I think that at one time my father mentioned something about a shotgun but my memory is murky on that point.

He was older than me by a couple of years which made it even better. A man of the world. One thing for sure, he was a man of the courts. I spent a lot of time with him going to court for one thing or another. Stupid stuff mostly. No violent crimes. Mostly mischief and that. He would write me what I thought were wonderful letters from the half way house he was in. My Mother thought they were smut (which of course they were). I thought I had found my prince charming.

Having found him I thought that the most logical step would be to do the one thing that you do when you fall in love. Make love. I was of course a virgin and I thought this was going to be something very special. Lose my virginity to this blue eyed guy. It never once occurred to me that I could get pregnant. I was having way to much fun and that sort of stuff happened to other girls. You know the ones I mean. The really loose ones. The ones that were “asking for it”. Not someone like me from middle class suburbia.
WRONG!!!! That was the first mistake!!! Number two was ignoring the fact that I had not gotten my period. Surely it was because I was stressed from thinking I was pregnant. All my girlfriends said that would make it stop from coming. That had to be it.

I finally sucked it up and went to the doctor’s office. Well, I was pregnant. Almost 5 months to be exact. Now what?? I have to tell Mom but I am not telling Dad. He will kill me!!! I can’t face either one of them. Maybe I can hide it. It has to be a dream!! This is not happening to me.

Well, here I go. I have to tell Mom. I will tell her and she can tell Dad. Well, it was no fun telling her what was going on so I was not going to stick around while she told Dad. Apparently he was not very happy as I found out the next day.

My Dad came home from work and I was waiting for him in the kitchen. I could see him coming in the front door. It was warm that day and Dad always wore a 3 piece suit to work. He had taken off his tie and his vest was open and his suit being carried over his shoulder. He did not waiver from his routine of walking in the front door, walking into the dining room and putting his jacket on the back of a chair followed by his vest. I sat there sweating not from the heat of the day but from knowing surely what was yet to come. Dad walked into the kitchen and I his first words and only ones for what seemed like minutes was “I am really disappointed in you.”

Crash, bang, boom!!! My world had just fallen apart. Dad was crushed. Mom was too but to do this to Dad was probably the worst thing I could have done. His little girl (I have 2 older sisters) was pregnant. We sat and talked or should I say he talked and I listened. I had some serious thinking to do. My parents had raised 5 children and were not going to raise another one. If I decided to keep the baby, I would be on my own with no help from them. Yeah so, I was thinking. Just another thing to totally piss you guys off. I went from being pitiful to that stupid teenager that had gotten me into this in the first place.

First things first though. Off to the family doctor to ensure everything is okay and I am healthy and check the baby. From this day forward, I received the best care in the world from the best family doctor and he then referred me to a senior OBGYN at one of the city’s best hospitals. Talk about a weird experience though. My family doctor had treated me for lots of things since I was 7 years old. That was pretty uncomfortable. Mostly being treated for rashes and that sort of thing. Nothing major up to this point. Having to face him and the lecture from him that soon followed was not fun. Everyone seemed to have an opinion about my situation and was very happy to share it with me. Okay, I am pregnant at 16 but what am I going to do. Mom and Dad said that I would stay at home and continue with the good care and arrangements would be made for the baby to be adopted.

I was not convinced at the beginning and even right up to when I was to have the baby that I could not keep it and raise it. My best friend and I used to talk about how we would get an apartment, jobs and raise the baby. We started picking out baby names. Plans were being made in my head but I was not actively doing anything about it. It was a dream and I knew it.

The pregnancy was very uneventful. I was healthy and the baby was doing just fine. It was going to be a big baby I knew that much. I was going to have the baby in February of 1977. I got pregnant at 16 and was to have the baby in my 17th year.

During the time I was pregnant, another female family member I found out was pregnant and her family had sent her away to a home for unwed mothers. Not my parents!! They took good care of me and did not send me away. My Dad said that it did not matter what other people were going to say and he was not embarassed about me being home pregnant and life seemed to continue on as normal or as normal as possible.

As a kid our house had always been a beehive of activity. With the 5 of us kids and all our friends coming and going, it was a happening place. Mom and Dad entertained a lot and I grew up with a house full of music on the weekends. The stereo was always going with Frank, Dean, Sarah and others. Going to sleep at night with this music resounding throughout the house was not uncommon. All of this continued. They continued to have people over to the house and everyone was wonderful. They were all very supportive of me and genuinely cared about how I was doing.

The adoption was being arranged by a lawyer through my doctor and it was to be a private adoption. As it got closer to me having the baby the lawyer told me about the family that would raise my baby. There was a Mom and Dad and another child at home. The baby would be raised by wonderful loving people and everything was going to be all right. This was all going to work out just fine!!!

Chapter 2

The Baby Arrives!!

As I said, the pregnancy went very well. I was a little sick but I don’t remember having any serious complaints. Take the vitamins and continue eating well. My teenage figure was going right out the window. I was getting as big as a house but I remember my friends not caring and continuing to include me in house parties and concerts. I went to see Kiss in concert at Varsity Stadium with a group of people and had a hoot. We all forgot that I was pregnant and I was just another teenager being grossed out by Gene Simmons and the tongue show and blood dripping out of his mouth. One of the fellows that we hung around with even asked me out on a couple of dates. My being pregnant, at first, did not seem to bother him too much but as time went on I knew that it was going nowhere fast. We sure had a good time hanging out and I will forever be thankful that he was such a good friend to me. I had a ton of support from my friends and I think that was because my parents and family supported me so why should things change between my friends. They were all great!!!

The night I went into labour, Dad got us fish & chips from our favourite place to have for dinner. I was not feeling all that good pretty much all day and did not know why. I just figured that I was getting closer and this was the way it was going to be. That night I went to bed in pretty good time because I was tired.

Pain!!! Holy cow!!! What is all this about!! No one had really sat with me and told me what to expect and having been through it now I don’t really know what they could have told me about the pain. I lied in bed for longest time trying to ignore it and hoping it would go away. I didn’t want to wake Mom & Dad up. My brother was just little then too and I didn’t want to wake the household with this. It soon became very clear to me that I had no choice. Now I was getting scared!!

I went and got Mom and told her what was going on. She said that it was time to go to the hospital and we all got dressed and jumped in the car and headed for the hospital. My Dad always hated hospitals so he dropped Mom and I off and went home. Mom would call him later and fill him in on what was going on.

Mom sat with me for a long time and was getting tired and I did notice that she was getting somewhat pale but I just assumed it was because of worry and she was tired. She said that she would be back in a minute and left the room. The next thing I know is the doctor is coming back into my room and telling me that my Mom would not be back as she had just thrown up and they figured she might have a mild case of food poisoning and she would be going home. They would find someone to come and be with me.

I seemed like I was by myself for some time and this wonderful young student nurse (whose name I do not know to this day) came and sat with me. We talked and she helped me get through the contractions that were coming fast and furious. I had not gone to any prenatal classes so I was getting a quick lesson in breathing from this angel by my bed. She did not leave my side for a long time. She eventually had to go home but it would not be long now and the baby would be here.

It became clear to the doctor that the baby was breach and I would have to be put to sleep from the waist down and they would have to go and get the baby from me. When they gave me the needle it was like heaven. The pain suddenly stopped and I almost fell asleep but they needed me to be awake to help out.

Finally the baby arrived. It was a bouncing baby girl. Exact weight is a little foggy after 25 years but she was over 10 pounds. She was healthy and had all her toes and fingers and she was going to do just fine.

I slept for a long time after that. On the second day when I was a little more together, the lawyer came to see me. He had some papers for me to sign and he also wanted to take a polaroid of me for the family. My understanding was that when the adoptive parents wanted to they would give this picture to the baby girl and she would know what I looked like. I had provided them with some information about me and that would be given to her as well.

I was not put in a private room and was sharing the room with 3 other ladies who had just had babies. I remember crying to myself at night thinking that one day I would be like them and all excited about having a baby and going home with the baby. I would not be going home with my baby nor would I be awakened by the nurses in the middle of the night for the mothers to feed their babies. It was a very difficult time for me and I cried a lot.

My friends came to visit me at the hospital and that was wonderful. They all made the trek down there and were hoping that they could steal a peek at the baby. She was in the nursery with all the other babies but she was not in the window and because it was a private adoption, you couldn’t really ask the nurses to see her. It was all very strange and sad and happy all at the same time. I knew that this beautiful baby girl would be leaving the hospital and have an instant family. Mom, Dad and a sibling to fight with just like I did.

One day, close to the end of my stay in the hospital, a nurse walked in the room with a bouquet of flowers. As I was in a room with new moms I just assumed someone else was getting them. She walked over to me with a smile and handed them to me. I had no idea who would do something so wonderful. I opened up the card and it was a card with thanks and it was signed “The Adoptive Parents”. I cried and cried and cried. What a wonderful thing for them to do. I also knew, that they were going home with the baby and I would most likely never see her again. Again, I cried and cried.

I went home after a few days and did some more crying. There was a loneliness in my belly that had been there for 9 months and now was gone. Something as missing that could not be replaced and a sadness that would not go away for a very long time. I second guessed my decision several times over the next few days and weeks but I knew in my heart of heart that I had done the right thing. My girlfriend and I had given her a name and that was what I called her for along time. We called her Jennifer Lorraine. I asked the lawyer the night he came to the hospital what they adoptive parents would be calling her. He told me her name was going to be Jean Audrey. Not what I had picked but that would be her name. That was there call and not mine. I had to understand that just because I had given birth to her, it was her Mom and Dad that were to name her.

Over the next few weeks I went through what is called the baby blues but did not know why or what was going on. It was my body trying to recover from having the baby and my mind trying to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life and how I was going to get over all of this.

During all the time I was pregnant I kept a diary of what I was going through right up to the night I went into labour. I wrote some when I came home and found that my journal was my best friend. My parents were wonderful to me but after I came home from the hospital, the baby was not mentioned. They probably thought it was best and thought I should just try and get on with my life and not dwell on it. They were probably right but what I was emotionally going through was tough and for a long time I did not know how I was ever going to get over it. I knew I would but I did not know when.

I never really did!!!

making the big move!

2005-10-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

So the day that we all left Lori's was really tough, I had to drive and I had to pull over because I couldn't see through the snot and tears so when we got back to TO I said to scott "think we could ever move West for a little while?". And being the amazing supportive guy he is, he said "sure, lemme ask a few questions at work". A few days later we heard from his head office in Calgary and they were exuberant at the thought of Scott coming West and have offered to pony up all the expenses for moving!
Well, that was a shocker, I didn't think it would be that easy - but lo and behold - we are moving to Calgary!
I figured that now would be the best time for us to go, no kids, no mortgage, we can pretty easily pick up and move. And now I can spend more time with my sisters, Lori, my auntie gale - the whole crew. And I think that rocks.
I am going to miss my family here for sure, but I plan on getting them a webcam so I can chat with them weekly, and they are flying out to see us whether they like it or not. We'll be back home in Ontario in a few years - Gage will need his auntie cookie for fashion advice as he moves through elementary school ;) (actually I think I need him more than he needs me)
So life moves ever onwards, I can't wait to spend more time with the crazy people that I am related to and have loads of SISTER TIME!

Reunion pics

2005-09-25T08:11:00.000-07:00

Scott posted the pics from the September get together:
here and here .
We had such a great time - we celebrated Lori's birthday in style, Di poured the shooters (directly into our mouths at that - how classy are we!?) and I somehow let the girls write all over me with a sharpie...
It was a weekend to remember for sure - we tested Di with a million questions "do you like CheezWhiz? Can you curl your tounge? Can you say SHNACKS?" and she successfully passed, so we're keeping her.

leaving on a jet plane to meet a new sister.

2005-09-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

today another chapter begins. scott and i fly to edmonton to stay with Lori and the gang. This time I am meeting my long-lost sister Diana. Well she wasnt as much lost as we didn't know where she was.

You see, the story goes like this, I'm adopted, in fact all my siblings are adopted (more on that crazy bunch later). And I met Lori my birth mum in 1999, I also met my little sister Kys, my nana and papa, auntie gale and auntie deb and uncle jon - and cousins Kayleigh and Mike. It was a very cool weekend meeting them all. my parents came with me as well as my sister. it was as emotionally rollercoasterish as you can imagine. so at that time, I thought it was just me and Kys and that was it. Then earlier this summer, Lori calls and asks if I am sitting down. That isn't always a good thing when someone says that. But I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the worst (note that I was already crying even though she hadn't said anything yet). So then she told me that I have two other sisters. I was agape. I think my jaw dropped and I started the giggle-laugh-cry thing that girls sometimes do. Poor Scott, I must have looked like a monkey running around our 500sq feet of living space hyperventilating and leaking tears and snot all over the place. So it turns out Kyla and I are the bookends - the youngest and oldest of the gang. And Diana and Sister X are in the middle. Lori had put her name into the adoption database in Alberta and so had Diana and -kabam - instant family!

So this weekend is Diana's big reunion with Lori, and me and Kys - and Nana is going to be there so you can imagine what a giggle-laugh-cry fest this will be...

I'm hoping to get Lori and Kys and Diana and whoever else to contribute to this story over time - Lori and I had talked about writing a book at some point - but I guess she knew back then that the story was a lot bigger than I knew at the time. So, Lori bravely started her portion - which I know know isn't complete - and we decided to call it 'landing peanut butter side up' because when you drop a piece of toast with peanut butter off your counter in the morning, there's a moment when it's perilously flipping and turning as it decsends towards the floor, and you're not sure how it's going to turn out. Well, our story has landed peanut butter side up. And if you are a follower of the 5-second rule, it's still ok to eat it for breakfast ;)

Best,
-cj